Fear Of Commitment
By: Michael S. Broder Ph.D.
What is the issue about the “fear of commitment” in love relationships that has almost become a cliché?
Well, it goes something like this. You become involved in a romance, and then either one or both of you want the relationship to get more intense with perhaps even marriage as the goal. But at the same time, either or or both of you have anxiety concerning the involvement you both say you want. Of course, this can certainly be extreme ambivalence at its worst. Now, underneath the ambivalence is often the unspoken idea that when the relationship becomes too important--- when the emotional investment becomes too great---then you’ll change your mind, or that the person you’re falling for will turn out to be entirely different as you get to know him or her better, or that while you love this closeness, intimacy and companionship you’re not so ready to give up your freedom, and that you will ultimately be the one to hurt your partner. Or worst yet, that you will be rejected by him or her, for the same reasons.
If this sounds familiar, just know, that it’s a very normal occurrence during courtship to back off a little bit. This is a psychological dance, where each of you will do the thinking you need to do in the time you need to do it. If the relationship is right, you will then slowly become more at ease with the idea of commitment. If not, you will move on, hopefully to someone else with whom a committed relationship will eventually fall into place. It’s a rare couple that doesn’t experience a little bit of doubt when growing a relationship.
Est. 1987