Now What One Big Thing Do You Want Do You Want to Accomplish This Year?

New Year’s resolutions have almost become a cliché: Go on a diet, join a gym or finish some task you’ve been procrastinating on. You know the drill. Some years you pull it off, while others you don’t. For 2012, let’s try something different. Focus on that one big thing you’d really like to do. For this exercise, forget the “shoulds”, and instead concentrate on what you really want! Read more

Happiness is the one goal that just about all of us has in common. However, the definition of happiness varies so much from person to person, that it can be hard to get a handle on. So as this holiday season unfolds, now is a good time to think about what happiness actually means to you. Let’s look at this by the stages:

•  Stage One―Happiness is when life is easy with no demands or challenges to worry about (for example, having a reliable and dependable caretaker who is also a provider of all necessities).
• Stage Two―It’s getting away with something or achieving dominance over people. On the positive side, it’s sheer joy and the lack of unwanted inhibition!
• Stage Three―Examples include; living your life “properly” by staying within the black-and-white parameters of your world, not drawing any negative attention to yourself , fitting in and doing what you “should” as well as doing your part to cause others around you, to “toe the line” as well .
• Stage Four―At this stage; achieving acceptance, approval, fame, and positive recognition (e.g., winning an award) as well as keeping personal relationships happy and conflict-free translate to happiness.
• Stage Five―For Fives, keeping all roles and relationships in balance and without problems, being effective and not overwhelmed,  achieving affluence , finding a hobby and making time for pleasurable  activities as another important way to balance your life and “recharge your batteries” usually do it.
• Stage Six―At this target stage, the satisfaction of reaching a difficult goal or solving a tough problem, the feelings of excitement and being unstoppable that come from peak performance , the feelings of relaxation and inner peace , the bliss associated with the little things encountered in everyday life;  such as the glow of a nice spring day, writing poetry, reading a good book or listening to your favorite music;  exploring novelty and whatever makes you curious, doing what you really want to be doing (e.g., what you are most passionate about, which often provides the most fun and enjoyment). Also, when the distinction between work and play disappears, being with those you love and feeling deeply connected to them. Unconditional self-acceptance can do it as well as when you can call up your playful and fun filled lower stage hooks at will in order to  connect with those feelings of innocence that result.
• Stage Seven―Happiness for you here comes solely from the happiness you bring to others. Achieving the desired impact on a person/people/or segment of the world you most care about, helping others and seeing them reap the benefits of your efforts; and being fully connected to and engaged in your principles and purpose.

The thing to remember is that ultimately your happiness is firmly under your control. This holiday season and beyond, how can you apply the principle of managing the unique ingredients of what makes you happy to your life?

October was a great month; we started seeing fall foliage, the temperature was mostly bearable, and it was Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We celebrated all those women [and men] who are courageous enough to fight the fight against breast cancer. You saw all your favorite sports teams strutting around in hot pink, your favorite brands and foods were covered in that pink ribbon we have become so familiar with, and every weekend there was a different walk or 5k to support our beloved women [and men] with breast cancer. The support is overwhelming. But most importantly, let’s remember not to confine our commitment to beating this disease to October!

Overwhelming is also a common word for those who have had breast cancer or who are fighting it now. You get that dreaded news from the doctor, your stomach drops, your heart starts beating extremely fast, and your mind is racing in a different direction every second: “Who is going to cook dinner when I’m gone?”, “I can fight this”, “Who is going to take care of grandma?”, What if I don’t survive?”

Most likely, you’re going to be getting information and advice from a million and one different people: friends, family, doctors, survivors… How do you categorize it all, how do you know what is good advice and what isn’t, how do you stay sane enough to fight this enormous battle you have ahead of you?

In addition, you may be at any of the seven stages depending on where you are in your life and your fight  against breast cancer:

Stage 1: You are fighting a battle that can’t be fought without the help of doctors and medications. You may need chemotherapy and radiation   in which case you’re going to have to rely on your friends and family members to drive you home and to take care of you afterwards.. You may be in a different default stage,  feel your independence is important to you. However during certain periods in your treatment, you may have to resort back to Stage One for your mental as well as physical well being . This is a healthy Stage One hook. In this stage you might also have anger and feel like a victim.

            Stage 2: You may  be in denial. You stop taking the medications doctors have prescribed, you’re not going to do chemotherapy or other treatments, and you are not in touch with, or care, how it might affect your family and friends. In that “perfect Stage Two world”, you could do what you wanted (get treatment/not get treatment) and still survive, in essence not having a consequence for your actions.

            Stage 3: It is expected of you to fight breast cancer, not just ignore it and let it run its course. Your family and friends need you to survive. It’s what you’re supposed to do, get chemotherapy, get hormone treatments, or get the surgery to remove a breast. All sounds quite scary, but it’s what you are supposed to do in this situation. On the other hand, you may be thinking that God is saying it is your time to go. In this situation, your Stage Three hook could even lead you to let the disease take its course, follow doctor’s orders, never do your own research  on alternative treatment or get second opinions.

            Stage 4: Your family wants you to fight, your boss needs you back in the office, and your friends would be disappointed in you if you gave up. You don’t want to disappoint anyone, you want them to love you and accept you. This is your motivation to fight—to be there for others.            

            Stage 5: It is your role to survive. You have to show your children you’re brave, fight because your husband or wife needs you, and who would bake your famous apple pie at the fall cook off next year? You have a good job; you get to go on good vacations with your family. You’re going to fight because you’re a mother/father, wife/husband, sister/brother, aunt/uncle… you wear too many hats not to fight. Moreover, you’re life is pretty good, why give up now?

            Stage 6: You truly embrace your breast cancer. You have it; you’ve accepted it, now, you’re going to deal with it. Either you choose to fight or you let the disease take it’s course and do what it will to your body. If you fight, then this means you will be seeing doctors, you will have a support team that includes, friends, family, doctors, nurses… You have a genuine appreciation for what they are doing for you and you understand and accept it. On the other hand, you may research alternative treatments or be internally motivated to change your life style to help survival. Either way, you embrace every moment you have with your friends and family and take pleasure in relationships you may have taken for granted in the past. You value each moment in your life even more. You have a sense of peace about you that people are in awe of.

You carry that sense of peace if you choose not to fight as well. You have lived a tremendous life and did what you wanted to do. You wake up every morning with a certain pep in your step. Now you’ve accepted this disease that has been handed to you. You are going to enjoy the time you have with your family and friends; make every moment count. You would love to survive, but you have no regrets if you do not.

            Stage 7: You have a story to tell and you’re going to tell it. Whether you are a survivor, still fighting, or;  you are involved in the cause beyond yourself  (i.e. once you finish treatment; help others,  help raise money for research,  or start  a charity that goes on even if you are not here) you have a story to tell. You don’t tell your story only because it makes you look strong that you survived or loving because you were there for someone else. You tell the story because you know it’s empowering and it will help many others with their own   breast cancer struggles.

I hope this can give you some perspective in helping you recognize, and then reach, your highest potential in dealing with your fight of breast cancer that has affected your life.

We used to talk about political seasons; but it seems now as though the political season never ends! So let’s take a non-partisan look at the players who—for better or worse— make this possible. After all, we are only one week away from an off-year general election and a year away from the one that may be the most important election of our lifetime.

Politicians present us with one of the best examples of “stage diversity”. Most of us who follow politics could name at least one national or local politician (past or present) that they associate with each of the seven stages. Moreover, most politicians have career-related hooks in nearly all of the stages. Love them or hate them, that’s what makes politicians such compelling figures. So use this “handy guide” as a way of recognizing what drives the ones you are thinking about; and, most importantly, be open to using it as a factor in making your decision.

Here’s a look at what drives politicians by the stages:

• Stage Seven―Would not concern himself/herself with being re-elected, being popular, or being anything for that matter … It’s only the cause(s) that they seek or are in office to take on and the problems they hear a calling to resolve, for the good of their constituency (and beyond) that’s important to them … Has no hidden agendas … Says and believes the same things in private as in public … Is humbled by the sense of duty that comes with their position and the opportunity to serve … Cares about and is focused on the world he/she leaves behind.
• Stage Six―Loves public policy and focuses on doing the work exceptionally well that each aspect of it requires … May even truly enjoy the challenge of an election campaign and the opportunity to inspire others by getting out their message.
• Stage Five―It’s a job that provides power, contacts, and perhaps a social circle that he or she may otherwise have no access to, but is not yet a calling. Thus, it’s still about them, not the people they serve.
• Stage Four―The most gratifying part of the job is the prestige that comes with it … Being liked and admired by constituents and others who are impressed by the office held … Stage Four politicians are governed by polls and often obsessed with their own popularity or lack thereof … They will tend to see their role and position as more of an honor (being in office) than a duty (to deliver on promises, for example).
• Stage Three―They see themselves as ruling rather than serving their constituencies. In extreme cases, they would have no problem even supporting the principles of an authoritarian or totalitarian dictatorship, were they in that kind of system or society … In addition, extreme left- and right-wingers, for example, and their often staunch and toady-like―sometimes idol worshipping―followers who never go beyond ideological dictums to carve out positions, are generally operating out of Stage Three. Talking points are considered sacred and never to be challenged.
• Stage Two―A politician who is out for whatever he or she can get away with and/or steal in the way of money, power, and favors … Uses charisma to deceive … Will say or do anything necessary to get into office and hold on to power, often through deception and demagoguery.
• Stage One―To the extent that an opportunity for a One in this field exists, it would be a very low-level situation in which  the government is seen as an undemanding and unlimited resource to fulfill personal and security needs (for example, patronage and “no-show” jobs they consider “entitled to”).

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the people we elected to serve us were operating out of Stages Six and Seven? Right now, that seems like a pipe dream; but let’s hope the pendulum starts swinging in the right direction.  I will have a lot more to say about this, as the big election gets closer.

It was my 24th birthday, a day that should have been a day filled with elation.
However, I was displeased and angry, angry with myself. I guess you could say I was
having a quarter-life crisis. It had been 24 years since I made my entrance into the world
and what did I have to show for it?

Sure I received a great education and was continuing in graduate school. My
relationship with my girlfriend, family, and friends were all filled with love and support.
My job was enriching yet still challenging and I had hobbies and interests galore. And yet
this sense of discontent had washed over me and left a film of complacency that I could
not get off.

Papers and readings were piling up and being put off to the very last minute.
Work was becoming… well work and hobbies, what hobbies? The worse part was that I
was neglecting the people who meant the most to me. Each aspect of my life was taking a
toll on the next and I was left battered and unmotivated.
Life’s many demands had a firm grasp on me and had left me feeling like I would
never catch up. I was surviving instead of thriving. I was left thinking, if this was how
life is supposed to be?

 

Enter Stage Climbing

So on this same day that was filled with resentment and ice cream cake, I
answered a request for a volunteer opportunity with Dr. Michael Broder, on his new self-
help book, Stage Climbing. It was going to be tough to juggle another role but besides
being a masochist, I knew I could learn a lot from this experience and Dr. Broder.
However, I did not know it would be life changing.

My first assignment was to read Stage Climbing and to see how it “spoke” to me.
I immediately dove into the book, reading whenever I had some free time, which
incredibly started to become much more frequent. Each stage brought a heightened
awareness to my own hooks, or issues that were holding me back. With this new insight
into my habits and behaviors that were holding me back, I was able to modify and change
them with the help of this book.

Since then I have been able to optimize all aspects of my life an essentially thrive
at a higher level. Stage Climbing has also opened new doors and great opportunities that
I would have never pursued. What is especially exciting is the change in my mindset. I
know longer feel like I am merely surviving. I relish in tackling every new experience
and opportunity that comes my way.

The things that make me happy and fulfilled are the foundation of each and
everyday. This is not to say that I quit doing the things that were dragging me down.
Instead, I learned how to be better at them, which has opened up more opportunities
to follow my passions such as writing. Most importantly this experience has made my
life “comfortably uncomfortable.” Confused? Lets take a look at this concept and see
how it can help you optimize your life.

 

Comfortably Uncomfortable

How many of you instantly felt like I was describing your chaotic life above?
Truth is we all struggle with some aspect of our life to a degree. Instead of listing some
common plights we face, I would like you to think of an issue that you are facing now.
Got it? Now think about what you have done to improve or change it. You might have
attempted to correct it and even succeeded at it but the effect did not last. Or maybe you
have not gotten around to addressing the problem yet. We all lie somewhere on this
continuum.

The problem is we have grown comfortable with this level of functioning. My
life was overwhelming and I constantly depended on others to help me. Yet I was fine
with it for a long time. Comfortable is synonymous to complacency and complacency
is one ugly beast. What freed me from this beast was to do things that would make life
uncomfortable. It was as simple as doing things that I would put off or avoid. I would
wake up earlier to get work done, exercise, and even wash my dishes, the bane of my life.
It was a reminder that I was still living and not merely existing.

Sure it was tough at first but consistency and action breed mastery. Even more
profound is that these little successes produce a snowball effect that can tip the scales
in the favor of change and make them much more attainable. I believe that to make
progress you need to be a little uncomfortable in life. So in essence being comfortably
uncomfortable implies making a habit of constantly challenging yourself and seeking out
opportunities and experiences that will lead to lasting fulfillment.

 

Your Turn

Stage Climbing has been an invaluable tool in my journey to be the person that I
have always knew I could be and attain the life that I have always wanted. If you haven’t
yet take a few minutes some time today and imagine what that would look like for you.
What are the things that will make your life more fulfilling? What does the real you look
like? Got a picture in your head? Good. Now the only question left is:
Are you up for the challenge?

How do you plan to use Stage Climbing to achieve the life that you want? Let us know
in the comments below. We look forward to watching you grow and reach your highest
potential!